I took a break and here's why
Turns out trying to change your entire life all at once isn't a good idea
I should start with a confession:
I'm a coach who did the exact opposite that I tell my friends and clients. Instead of taking it easy, the new year energy completely consumed me until a point where I just froze and gave in.
The worst part about it: I know better. In fact it's my job to know better.
So why did I still try to do all the things at once?
- Become the “best version of myself” with a new identity and attitude
- Going on another “diet”
- Making a new workout schedule that is extremely hard to follow
- Starting dating (because why not add more emotional stress into the mix?)
- Finding a new 9-5 job (that is paying the bills for now)
- Finding a new flatmate
- Building this coaching business from scratch
- Become a content creator
- Be more social
- …all while also dealing with family drama.
But I figured, I just need to build a new identity so the rest will automatically fall into place. I mean this is what everyone on the internet says, right?
The gap between your current version and your dream life is just an identity problem.
What nobody tells you: how hard it really is to build a new identity and breaking old patterns.
So instead I just became tired and overwhelmed. And I froze. I didn’t do any of big things that were on my list. In fact I gained weight, didn’t do the workouts, I’m still in my old job and fully neglected this business and didn’t post anything on social media. And instead of becoming my “higher self” and become the lowest self I have been in a long time. For months I didn’t have any day where I just rested. I was running all empty.
The irony of self treatment when you are the "expert"
Just like doctors are the “worst patients”, I guess I’m also the worst coachee. I have all the tools. I know better. I tell my clients to take it easy, to start small and build sustainably.
If your foundation isn’t stable, everything you try to build on top will start to crumble at one point. And yet, here I am failing at following my own advice, and denying everything I believe in.
But why are we so good at giving others advice, but when it comes to ourselves we won’t follow the same advice we would give other people in the same situation?
The answer is simple, yet complicated at the same time: we are not emotionally involved.
We can see things from an outsider perspective and we don’t have to live with the consequences of their decisions.
What I've learnt in the past 5 months
Besides from wanting to change your whole life all at once being a bad idea, I learnt before anything else: patience.
Sustainable change doesn’t come over night. Even if you are a life coach and think you know all the tools. It’s hard to build a new identity, break old patterns that you’ve practiced for years. The brain doesn’t just rewire even if I tell myself often enough. My nervous system doesn’t heal itself and I magically become a fully regulated person. It’s hard work.
Slowing down isn’t failure, it’s the right thing to do when I want sustainable change.
I don’t have to change everything at once with a big bang. I’m allowed to pick only one area, one thing and when this is established, pick the next.
And last but not least, I want to take more time to reflect. Try gaining an outsider perspective on my own life. Learn how to meta perspective on my life and my emotions.
So I finally start practicing what I preach. My work as a coach is part of my own journey and my inner work.
You are allowed to take a break
Maybe you are struggling with an all or nothing mindset just like me. Then let this article be your permission to take a break from wanting to change your entire life over night.
Slow down. Build your foundation. And ask yourself: what is one thing, or one area in my life that needs change. ONE!
Start from there. Trust me, I’ve done my field research. And let me tell you, the overwhelm and stress on your nervous system is not worth it. Slow and steady and consistent always wins on the long term.