Why Playing Small Isn’t Noble

And How to Stop Doing It

There’s a quiet myth many of us carry. That shrinking ourselves is somehow virtuous. That it’s “humble” to keep our gifts tucked away and let others shine instead.

But here’s the truth: being modest means minimising our brilliance. Playing small isn’t noble .It’s just fear in disguise.

The Illusion of Humility

We’ve been taught that to be “good,” we must be humble. But often that message gets twisted. We confuse humility with invisibility, confidence with arrogance, and leadership with ego.

Playing small is rarely about virtue. It’s usually about fear:

Fear of being judged
Fear of failure
Fear of success and what it might demand of us

And that fear can be reinforced by our environment, the people around us and that are closest to us. Our patriarchal culture that tells women to be “nice,” rewards conformity over courage, or suggests certain people “shouldn’t take up too much space.”

The Hidden Cost of Shrinking

When we play small, we think we’re protecting ourselves. But we’re also withholding our talents from the people who need them.

That idea you didn’t pitch? It could have sparked change.
That story you didn’t share? It could have helped someone feel less alone.
That dream you buried? It might have inspired someone else to chase theirs.

Playing small doesn’t serve anyone. Not you, and not the world.

What Playing Big Really Means

Stepping into your full self doesn’t mean shouting over others. It means owning your voice in a way not to dominate, but to contribute.

It’s alignment, not arrogance.
It’s presence, not performance.
It’s saying: “I believe I worthy and I’m willing to act like it.”

How to Stop Playing Small

Identify the Source: Whose voice is telling you to shrink? Then most likely it is not your voice inside your head telling you to play small.
A parent? A past boss? A societal narrative? Name it. That’s the first step to releasing it.
Reframe Humility: True humility isn’t denying your power. It’s knowing it and using it responsibly.
Take Bold Action: Start small if you need to, but start.
Say yes to the opportunity. Speak up. Show your work. Chase your dream.
Surround Yourself With Expanders: Seek out people who embody what “playing big” looks like. You are the average of the 5 people you spend most of your time with. So choose those people wisely. Their courage will stretch your vision of what’s possible.

Final Thought

Your gifts aren’t an accident. They’re a responsibility. Choosing to show up fully isn’t selfish, it’s generous.

So stop dimming your light in the name of being “good.”
Be real. Be bold. Be seen.
The world needs you at full wattage.

If you’ve been playing small, you don’t need to leap. You just have to get started.
Growth doesn’t start with a big bang. It begins with a quiet decision to stop hiding and showing up consistently.

So here’s your invitation:

Take five minutes today to reflect on this question:

“Where in my life am I holding back and what am I afraid would happen if I stopped?”

Write it down. Be honest. No judgment. Let it flow.

Then, choose one small action that honours your power:

Speak up in a meeting.
Share your work.
Set a boundary.
Apply anyway.
Go to that networking event.

You don’t have to be fearless to stop playing small.
You just have to be willing.