You Are Not a Problem to Be Fixed
Redefining Self-Worth on Your Terms
From an early age, we’re taught to measure ourselves by standards we never chose. Be prettier. Be thinner. Be quieter. Be smarter. Be smaller. Be more successful. Be “better.”
Eventually, we internalise a quiet, poisonous belief: “There’s something wrong with me. I’m never going to be enough.”
But what if that belief isn’t self-awareness, but self-abandonment?
You’re not a problem to be solved. You’re a whole, complex, evolving human who deserves to be seen, exactly as you are.
The Fixing Mentality: Where It Comes From
If you’re a high-achieving woman like me, you’ve probably been rewarded for staying in your lane. Staying in control. For pushing through. Sucking it up. For looking polished even when you feel like you’re falling apart.
And somewhere along the way, growth stopped being about expanding into who you are, and became about becoming someone different. Adjust to other people’s expectations. Fit their version of you.
Even in the world of coaching and personal development, I found that many tools, while intended to be helpful, are built on the assumption that you broken in one way or another. And that your worth is somewhere on the other side of a checklist, a routine or will magically unfold itself if you only apply their specific tool. But that’s not growth. That’s perfectionism in disguise.
The Cost of Constantly Trying to “Fix” Yourself
I spent years believing I had to earn love. Earn respect. Earn happiness. And prove every single day over and over again that I deserve what I have earned.
Everything was a transaction: once I improved enough, I could finally be happy. I could finally be truly loved for who I was becoming.
It all it me was burnt out emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Until I started to ask myself:
What if I’m not broken? What if I’ve been worthy all along?
What Redefining Self-Worth Looks Like (For Me)
It was a long journey, and I admit I’m still not fully there. I still have days where I fall into old patterns. Looking at myself in the mirror, criticising every single inch of my body. Judging my mistakes. Believing nobody will every love me for who I am. But I’ve also already have come a long way. And this is what self-worth now looks like for me:
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Respecting my boundaries
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Saying no without apology or over-explaining
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Celebrating progress no matter how small it may be
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Noticing my thoughts without labeling myself as “not enough” or “being a failure”
- Stopping to pity myself when I had an unwanted outcome
I still believe in growth, otherwise I wouldn’t be a coach. But I want my growth to happen without pressure. I want to happen it in presence and being at peace with myself.
I don’t want to become someone else, to please everyone around me. I want to unfold myself.
If You’re Ready to Redefine Worth on Your Terms
Start here.
Ask yourself:
“If I believed I was already enough, how would I show up differently today?”
Be compassionate:
Instead of: “What’s wrong with me?”
Try: “What part of me is needing my love?”
Be present:
Sit with yourself for five minutes without agenda or an improvement plan fully laid out. Just your full presence. No pressure. Let that be enough.
And never forget:
You are not a project.
You are not behind.
And you are certainly not a problem to be solved.
You are a living, breathing, worthy human being even on your messiest days.
In all your self-doubt.
You always have been and surely you are now.
Your loving reminder for today
If this speaks to you, I invite you to take a deep breath, put your hand on your heart, and say:
“I am not broken. I am becoming. And I don’t need to earn the right to be seen or loved.”
That gets to be your starting point.