Becoming The Sim
How To Build Your Dream Life From The Inside Out
I have never been much into video games, but since I’ve been a teenager I love playing the Sims. The idea of creating a completely new reality, spending hours on building a dream house and have the perfect character that lives a life exactly the way I want it to be, just fascinates me. And it got me thinking: why only do this in a game, when this can also be applied to real life.
Why Identity Is the Real Cheat Code
If you are like me, you’ve probably tried every productivity hack, habit system, or morning ritual there is on Pinterest. And yet, your dream life still feels… out of reach. Here’s the thing: the problem isn’t the effort. It’s the identity.
Think of yourself as a Sim. You can rearrange the furniture, download the best expansion packs, or buy all the upgrades, but if your Sim’s traits don’t match the life you’re trying to live, they will just do whatever they want.
Your brain and nervous system is wired to protect the comfort of the version of you that already exists. Everything that is familiar and predictable feels safe. Even when it’s not serving us. But trying to leap straight into a “new life” without updating your inner software is stressful, feels unsafe and often leads to burnout or self-sabotage.
The good news? You can redesign yourself from the inside out. And when you do it in a way that respects your nervous system, the transformation becomes sustainable, empowering, and yes: even fun.
Why “Dream Life” Upgrades Fail Without Inner Alignment
Imagine trying to live as a confident, organised, radiant woman while still holding traits like people-pleasing, avoidance, or fear of judgment. You might follow all the rules, do all the exercises, and still feel blocked. Your inner Sim is resisting the upgrade because it hasn’t internalised the new identity.
Sustainable transformation isn’t about abandoning yourself; it’s about slowly expanding who you are from the inside out.
Your nervous system is the ultimate reality-check. It doesn’t know the difference between physical danger and emotional or social “threats.”
- Rapid heartbeats before public speaking? Fight-or-flight.
- Stomach knots at launching a business? Fight-or-flight.
- Self-doubt when stepping into a new role? Fight-or-flight.
Even when there’s no real danger, your body reacts as if there is. This is why identity work must prioritise safety first.
Start with rewiring your traits without triggering overwhelm or regression.
Often, old habits like emotional eating or people-pleasing belong to a previous version of yourself or your old Sim. As you slowly update your traits, the nervous system feels safer and less triggered, reducing reliance on these coping mechanisms. When your inner Sim feels aligned and habits naturally shift.
Avoid the identity crash:
Sudden reinvention often fails because the nervous system perceives it as danger. Instead, practice identity bridging: expand your traits gradually while maintaining a sense of inner safety. This approach honours your past self while welcoming the new version, minimising overwhelm and resistance.
You Are the Sim: Identity Shapes Your Reality
Many people think of identity as just labels: “I’m an athlete” or “I’m disciplined.” But identity is more than words; it’s a combination of traits, beliefs, and your emotional baseline. It’s the operating system that decides how your body, mind, and energy respond to the world.
When you try to act “bigger” or “different” than who you believe you are, your nervous system’s alarm goes off. You might procrastinate, self-sabotage, or feel anxious. That’s your inner Sim saying: Hold on, this isn’t familiar. It doesn’t feel safe.
So before we build the future you, we need to understand which “character” you’re currently running the show with.
And fair warning: this step is like zooming into your Sim at 3AM and realising she’s eating old leftovers in her underwear and needing a shower while her house is a mess, every appliance is broken and the kitchen is on fire.
Relatable? Absolutely. Cute? Not really.
Think of this as your Character Diagnosis.
Not to judge yourself but to get clarity. You can’t upgrade a Sim if you don’t know what traits she’s working with.
Step 1. Grab a pen and answer these gently ruthless questions:
Identity Traits
Right now, would you describe yourself as someone who is
- confident or self-doubting?
- consistent or “hot start, quick quit”?
- high-standard or “bare-minimum-but-exhausted”?
- expressed or self-silencing?
- “Main character” or “Supporting extra in someone else’s story”?
Be honest. No one’s watching, except your future self, and she already knows the truth.
Beliefs Running the Show:
Which of these internal scripts sound suspiciously familiar?
- “I’ll start when I feel ready.”
- “People like me don’t get to live that kind of life.”
- “If I change, people will judge me.”
- “Better stay safe than be disappointed.”
These beliefs are like outdated Sims mods messing up the gameplay.
They glitch your potential.
Your Current “Game Settings”:
Look at your daily life: your routines, your environment, your habits.
Do they belong to the person you want to become or the person you’ve been settling as?
For example:
- Your home: does it support your goals or drain you?
- Your habits: are they designed for growth or survival?
- Your social circle: do they upgrade you or keep you stuck in the same level?
If your current Sim’s life was a stream on Twitch, would anyone watch it?
Which Sim Archetype Are You Currently Playing as?
Choose the one that hits a little too close to home:
1. The “Perpetual Builder” Sim
Endless planning, zero gameplay. 100 Pinterest boards, 0 action.
2. The “Chaos Goblin” Sim
Wants a glow-up but refuses to sleep, hydrate, or stop scrolling. Mood always: uncomfortable.
3. The “Good Girl Glitch” Sim
Never breaks rules, stays likable, keeps peace, doesn’t rock boats — wonders why life feels lukewarm.
4. The “Almost Her” Sim
90% there. Knows what to do. Just needs to do it consistently for more than 2 weeks.
Which one do you resonate with right now? You can mix and match.
Step 2. Get into CAS Mode
Now we switch into Create-A-Sim mode. The fun part where you design the identity of the version of you who already lives the life you want.
This is not about “a slightly improved you.”
No. We’re building your Next-Level Character. The one whose normal is currently your dream.
Remember: Identity always comes before behaviour.
You don’t become her by forcing habits. You become her by embodying her.
Name Your New Identity
Give your upgraded character a name.
Not a nickname or a cute alias — a persona that holds a higher standard.
Examples:
- “Future Me” (safe)
- “CEO Me” (bold)
- “Maya Obama” or any other mix of your favourite celebrities or characters (ultimate alter ego energy)
Pick a name that instantly makes you sit up straighter.
Choose Her Core Traits
Select 3–5 identity traits that define her default way of being.
Examples:
- Disciplined
- Self-trusting
- Radiantly healthy
- Magnetic & expressed
- Courageous action-taker
- Boundaries? Sharp and respectful
- Luxurious and intentional
- Playful yet powerful
If you struggle, ask yourself: “Which traits would make everything in my life easier?”
Define Her Standards
Standards are the rules she lives by. The non-negotiables. Not the “I-do-it-when-I-feel-motivated”. These become your new baseline.
Examples:
- I honour my word to myself.
- I don’t abandon myself to please others.
- I move my body daily because it supports my energy.
- I keep my environment aligned with my identity.
- Rest is strategic, not earned.
If your current life contradicts your new standards? Amazing! That means real growth.
Design Her Lifestyle Basics
Visualise her day. Not a fantasy day, but a regular Thursday.
Ask yourself:
- How does she start her morning?
- How does she speak to herself?
- How does she dress for the world?
- What boundaries does she hold with work & people?
- How does she fuel her body?
- How does she end her day?
- How does she spend her money?
We’re rewriting the default, not the highlight reel.
Choose Her Aesthetic & Energetic Signature
The way she shows up externally reinforces the internal.
Aesthetic elements may include:
- Clothing vibe (clean girl, soft luxury, edgy academic, “unbothered rich aunt”)
- Hair & skin ritual
- Home vibe (minimal chic, cozy witchy, crisp & bright)
Energy elements:
- Slow and grounded
- Calm confidence
- Warm and magnetic
- Electric, bold, charismatic
When someone meets her, how do you want them to feel?
Internal Script Upgrade
What beliefs does she operate from?
Examples:
- “I can trust myself to follow through.”
- “My life expands when I do brave things.”
- “I don’t shrink to fit, I expand to lead.”
These are your new mental “mods”. The ones that make the game fun instead of glitchy.
Pick a Token
Pick something that reminds you of her and
Examples:
- Piece of jewellery
- A perfume or specific scented candle
- Lipstick colour
- Lenses instead of glasses
- Hairstyle
Something that triggers you to step into your new identity.
Step 3. Install One Update at a Time
Just like your computer has a certain bandwidth and storage capacity, so does your nervous system.
So don’t try to install all updates at once. This will only lead to overwhelm and crashes.
Here’s a nervous-system-friendly framework for designing your dream-life identity:
- Choose one new Trait at a time
Start small. Maybe it’s “disciplined,” “confident,” or “authentic.” Don’t overwhelm your system. - Micro-behaviours that match the Trait
Take small, consistent actions like journaling for clarity, setting boundaries, showing up to tasks on time. These are signals to your nervous system that the new trait is safe and real. - Somatic practices to anchor safety
Breathwork, shaking, or mindful movement help your body release old tension and align physically with your upgraded self. - Rewriting your narrative
Your story matters. “I am a woman who…” statements, mental rehearsals, and envisioning your daily life as this new version all reinforce your identity.
Answer these to anchor the identity shift and find out with which one you want to start with:
- Current Identity Check:
Which 3 traits does your current self embody that you no longer want to lead with? - New Character Creation:
What is the name of your Next-Level Character? - Trait Selection:
What 3–5 traits define her? - Standards Upgrade:
Name 3 standards she lives by that you are committed to adopting now. - Identity Anchor:
Finish this sentence: “If I were her today, I would…”
List 3 actions you can take within the next 24 hours.
This is where the shift starts. Not “next Monday” or “next month” neither “when motivation returns”.
Today!
Your 7-Day “Inner Sim” Ritual
Now let’s get into practice.
You don’t need to reinvent yourself overnight. You don’t need to leap into fear or force a version of yourself that isn’t ready. You simply need to design your inner Sim, upgrade traits one by one, and create a nervous-system-safe path toward the life you want.
When your identity matches your ambitions, the rest of your life follows. You are safe to evolve. You are ready to become the Sim of your dreams.
Here’s a 7 Day Mini Practice to get you started:
- Day 1–2: Identify one key trait to upgrade.
- Day 3–4: Journal daily micro-behaviours that match this trait.
- Day 5: Practice a 5-minute somatic grounding routine.
- Day 6: Write a short narrative imagining a day as your upgraded Sim.
- Day 7: Reflect, celebrate small wins, and repeat.